Why Instagram and I can never work
Fortunately, the most toxic relationship I have ever had…is with an app.
Among my friends, I am most commonly known to have the most frequent Instagram deactivation bouts where I suddenly hate the app and everything it stands for. My only agenda of the day becomes removing my account and getting it out of my sight. I have had significantly long conversations about how much I loathe Instagram’s effect on me with all my best friends and even my aunts. Some relate, while some just get baffled. Over time, most of them have accepted sending screenshots to me on Whatsapp.
I am incapable of having a healthy relationship with the app. This disdain doesn’t emerge in a single day, it is a slow burn. A few days would be fine, I’ll limit my usage, but one day, the temptation would be too strong to ignore. And then everything goes haywire. The process is cyclic, I deactivate my account, stay away for two weeks maximum but just like the allure of a toxic significant other, it manages to get me back. It may sound too dramatic to ‘normal’ people but this is it, it boils down to instant gratification or my mental peace. Half of my friends are in the same boat, but they’re marginally in a better position than I am. (FYI, I’ll name drop some of my friends here who’ve indulged in this discourse with me at some point or other). Radhika manages to keep her account deactivated for months on end and Gauri opens Instagram only on browser once every couple of weeks. Both of them have tremendous self-control, infinitely more than I have. Another honourable mention goes to my sister, inflicted with the same disease.
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It has been almost two years since I have realised its subtle effects on me. One of my 2022 resolutions is to have a ‘longer’ break with Instagram and this post’s purpose is to hold me accountable somehow. Here I present my case against it, my rationale behind a dedicated writeup on this app.
Grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side.
Most common reason among all, however content and happy you are with your life, the app manages to plant a seed of dissatisfaction in you which silently grows until one day, it becomes unsurmountable and unassailable and you start questioning everything. At the ripe age of 21, clubbing and partying does not tempt me anymore (not that I have done a lot of it anyway). I find no satisfaction in staying out all night nor do I derive any joy from it. My definition of fun has completely changed over the years. But, on seeing stories of random acquaintances having fun of the type it is expected from our generation, it becomes difficult to not wish for it too. It is extremely instinctive. Think about it, Goa might not be a particularly appealing holiday destination for you. But it will always be enticing because every second person would be merrily vacationing there leaving an endless stream of stories and posts. During a conversation with one of my college friends, Prachi remarked how on still having everything, the more time she spent mindlessly scrolling, the more hollowed out she would feel. I understand and I know, only a specific part of one’s life is curated and showcased to the world, I am an equally active participant of this approach. But it is difficult to reconcile with this when it comes to feeling discontent. Obviously, it is a part of human nature. But if I have identified the source, it would be detrimental if I continue to stay associated with it.
The slow deterioration of my brain cells.
Irrespective of how much I try, Instagram can never be a useful source of learning for me. I have tried everything, being conscious of what I like and who I follow to beat the algorithm which shows me only worthless content. Acknowledging the fact that not every social media platform needs to be informative and neither does Instagram promises to do so, but if I had the discipline to open it only during breaks or when my brain needs the short term entertainment of reels, I wouldn’t be writing this post. It became an automatic reaction, to open it the second I use my phone. Why is this bad for me? Firstly, it is extremely easy for me to lose concentration. The more I got addicted to Instagram, the more I felt the need to use my phone, in the middle of work or focussed sessions, hence the more time it took to finish the task on hand because I kept getting distracted. Secondly, whatever time I spend there is 100% wasted. My plan is not to devoid myself of any breaks; it is to gently push myself to watch or read stuff I actually enjoy. These days Twitter has become my favourite social platform to use. One of my seniors at Jindal has written a wonderful piece on how to utilise Twitter to be your learning medium. I have followed it to a tee and it’s safe to say, I love it. My best friends are active there too so I am not bereft of being able to send memes. Also, Twitter is extremely funny. My time off Instagram is spent scrolling either Twitter or Linkedin, which I believe is always advantageous but this is only achievable because of my hard-earned immunity to existential spirals triggered by LinkedIn.
The curse of thrift shops.
Sad to say, but I am very vulnerable to succumbing to the temptation of innumerable thrift shops on Instagram. It is embarrassing to admit that this is one of the major reasons why I dislike the application and taking a break from there automatically equates to a lot of money saved for me. From cute sweaters to accessories, I have bought it all. Admittedly, I have discovered my absolute favourite jewellery brand there, my endless scrolling has resulted in a major hole in my pocket which can be easily deflected.
Romanticising life to the extent that it feels artificial.
Being able to capture moments of life is incredible and Instagram definitely helps in documenting that. My family has a separate dedicated account for our puppy which acts as his own photo album. All of our respective friends follow it, even my dad’s colleagues. It is a source of joy to everyone who has met Theo because honestly, he is the best puppy in this world (I am very biased, obviously). However, that is where the difference lies. His account is completely unfiltered, its only purpose is to be a collection of memories for us while he grows up. But when it comes to my personal account, my experience feels eerily similar to The Truman Show. Everything has to be perfect, I used to think twice before posting anything. It was a life for others to perceive. On the advice of another set of my friends, I unfollowed and removed more than five hundred people from my profile to keep only those people I like or talk to regularly. This helped drastically. I started posting about things I like, my letterboxd monthly records or random songs. Nevertheless, the root of the problem remained. The app is built on feeding off the insecurities of people, regardless of the tactics used. Life as seen from the perspective of Instagram felt too manufactured. Neither do I care about seeing these flawlessly tailored versions of others’ lives, nor do I have any incentive to showcase mine like so.
It is not a mode of communication for me.
The argument that the app helps you to stay connected with your friends and the events in their lives fails to sway me. I care about a maximum of ten people in my life, who I already talk to frequently. I am usually in the loop of what they’re up to and it is concerning if you need to rely on an app to know what is ensuing in your friends’ lives. I’ll argue to the contrary, Instagram is extremely effective in making you grudgingly aware of what fun activities your acquaintances are partaking in, circling back to my point number one. FOMO absolutely sucks and I have no interest in voluntarily surrendering myself to it.
Again, these specific reasons might not hold much gravitas for you but they are the principal grounds for my contemptuous behaviour towards the app. Small detoxes fail to be of any help due to my complete lack of constraint. But this year looks hopeful, I plan on staying away for a couple of months in the hope that eventually, I’ll stop caring about it. That’s the dream, at least.
Brain Food for this Week
(Here I plug in whatever I am consuming. Someday I would love to write a collection of essays like Briallen Hopper talking about all the things I love in literature, pop culture and music, but that is for the future.)
Read 📖 : Before Memory Fades (An Autobiography) by Fali S. Nariman
Watch 🍿 : Finished watching The Eternals and Late Night this week. Probably the weakest film in the MCU, it is average at the most. Whereas Emma Thompson’s performance in Late Night was delightful, the movie was genuinely funny and a light watch.
(Just realised, it is funny how seriously I dole out these recommendations without any expectation that someone actually checks these out)
Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcomed.
Warm Wishes.
It's like I wrote this! Every word resonates with me. Very well put.
Have used the app for a short while for not great reasons but I'm proud that I haven't used the app in a while and am confident that I won't fall into this trap again. And I must say that you have put across your thoughts beautifully. Well done.